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Self Help Through The Experience of Others.

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Love... the trial and error way

Ahh... Love, my favorite topic. I experimented, I read, I listened, I learned, I failed, I tried again, I failed, I tried and tried again... and now, I'm happily married and expecting a child... I hope my experience can both entertain and teach you about... LOVE.

BTW, these pages are written from my experience and so, a man's point of view.

1st Love

I fell in love for the 1st time with the most beautiful girl in my course on Campus. Doves would suddenly appear when she was around. Every other things in live seem to matter so little. I would talk to a person and only thinking about my love.

All the crazy feelings came to an abrupt halt when I was told she was "very easy". Everyone have had a go. She has been classed "horny", "slutty", "village bicycle" and every other term that we hear of from the movies.

Yet, I did not care. After 1 whole day of consideration, I decided to pursue the love of my life. 

The next day, I went up to her and walked her to her class room. Its funny, but  even with seer determination, love and confidence, I had nothing to say to her! 

The best line I could come up with (after what seem to be forever of silence) was

"so... how was... you know..."

She responded "erm... what.. the Engineering Ball?"  ( I was not aware of any such function)

me: "ye..ah.... how was that?"

my love: "erm... Its going to be on in next 2 week. I am so excited about it. R you going"

me: "erm... ah.. no"

her: "oh... well, I'm here(at her class building) Where where you going to before?"

me: "to.. to that ...that way... (pointing some place)"

her: " well, seeya."

It was obvious that I suck at talking to girls. You can't expect too much from a person that has spent his past 10 over years hanging around boys in a all-boys school!

This was when I met this friend of mine. He seem to have a way with girls. Everyone of them would talk to him differently than talking to me. They seem to enjoy his company. Sharing a common interest (i.e. girls) we became the best of friends. He would give advice to me, while I would hear him brag about his recent conquests.

Moral: Any loser can get a girlfriend!

The path to Don Juan

I was told by my friend that the first thing that I needed to do to achieve Don Juan status was to talk to a girl with confidence. How? Just go up to any girl on the street and talk to them. Also try to get their phone number in the process.

This was no easy process I tell you. Its like a boulder. Once you get the damn thing rolling, its a breeze. But getting it to move, all I can say is "Just do it!"

Do it without thinking the consequences. Do not think. Do not care. Just do it! Go for it! After all, if everything fails, you will not see that person again tomorrow!

The 1st time I went up to a girl, my heart was literally pounding left and right, up and down! One would think its a mini stroke. 

Surprisingly, that went wonderfully well! here's what I said:

"erm.. hi...  You buying cards?" (she was looking at cards)

she looked at me and said..". erm ...yeah..."

"oh... hey, I need some company" (shut up! lets see you come up with better one on your 1st attempt!)

but surprisingly...she said

"okay." 

I quickly add "hey why dont I take your number and i'll give you a call sometime"

And guess what! I got the number of a girl from my 1st attempt! I was filled with confidence! On top of the world! Everyone was below my feet, kissing it wanting to learn from the master!

But this feeling was short lived. I phoned her only to find that it was a fake number. DAMN.

The next few attempts were even worst off. I think not to be mentioned for fear of losing respect.

Step 1: With girls, don't think, just do it! Whatever you want to do, don't think of the consequences. Just do it! If you want to call her. Don't think she will reject you, don't think she will not like to hear your voice, just call her!

Success! Well, almost

The strangest pickup lines seem to work best. Take for instants

"hi, could you tell me where XYZ shopping center is?" (when I am already in XYZ shopping center)

"erm... you are in XYZ shopping center", my 1st success said

"oh, thanks... er actually I just wanted to know you.", I said

She smiled and we got together for Lunch the next day!

I would have had my 1st girl friend then if I had not been soo picky. I thought she was too easy, there was no challenge. We had lunch, dinner, movies together, but that was it. 

I had more successes following, but they never worked out. For example, I met a girl that already had a boyfriend and is out just for company (her boyfriend was out of town). And another that was too old. Or too bad tempered. Too low esteem, too boring, too badly dressed!

Step 2: Try and try and you will succeed! And don't be too picky when you do succeed!

2nd Love, again almost

Believe it or not, I fell in love with a girl that was introduced to me! I didn't apply any of the pickup lines I memorized, any of the stunts that I read up articles about picking up girls.

Step 3: Don't just depend of pickup on street, go join clubs, meet friends and they will introduce!

We started as friends, we spent days lunching, nights dining and movies, walks in parks, just hanging out.

1, 2, 3 weeks pass. I thought it was time to move on to the next stage. I sent her flowers, card. Asked her out for expensive dinner in exquisite restaurant by the fountain. After that, we had a stroll in the park. We were lying next to one another when I realized that it was time.

"Hey, what do you think of me?" I asked.

"erm... okay ... I guess" she replied

"I mean, are you happy around me?" I clarified

"wait.... wow.... I thought we were just friends?" she said with a shocking look

"FRIENDS?!?!" , I screamed!

Starting to look scared, she said "maybe we should go"

"Sure! Friend! Lets go!", I shouted.

We never saw each other again. I soon realized of course we are just friends! I have not expressed anything to her, we are not boy/girl friend yet. What did I expect her say?

Or maybe she just wanted to have a friend to hang around.

Moral: I used to think day and night about what does this mean?  Why would she hang out with me, be so close until the point where it was very obvious she was more then just a friend, but when I make a move, she tells me she just wants to be friends.  But I've figured it out!  Girls or even boys need company. It is more accepting to have a company of the opposite sex such that they do not feel like they cannot get a boyfriend or girlfriend. They want to feel that they have the power to get a boyfriend or girlfriend if they wanted to. Its their choice not to.  So, in the end, the "friend" is the one that gets hurt... Its true... its life..

I had many nights of pain! Misery, and every word that describe feeling like crap!

Thank god! A Model-type girl for me?

I soon moved in with my sister. And I think I must have prayed to god too many times, he decided to reward me. Well, the prettiest girl I've met, a model-type like girl moved in next door!

Me and my sister went over to greet our new neighbor. :)

Got to know her and became quite good friends. One day, she came over and asked us to go to the flower show that was on. We accepted. My sister invited a friend to come along. Like a double date. :)

That gave me chance to talk to the Model-type girl. To my surprise, not all model-type girl is just a bimbo that is just good on the surface and empty on the inside. She cracked jokes, told many exciting stories. And I invited her to have lunch with me after the show. She accepted. 

During lunch. I noticed that she started to ask a lot about my background. Especially about my family's wealth. Being modest, I told her that we were close to broke. ( you know, I was giving her the kind of attitude of "if she likes me, it has to be not for money")

The next time I asked her out, she gave the stupidest excuse that says something like "okay, I am not really busy but I am giving you this stupid excuse so to let you know not to call me again the next time."

I got the message and did not call her again. 

Funny thing is, If I've told her I've got a mountain full of gold, I got a feeling I would've got a Model-type girlfriend...

Moral: Us boys look for girl with certain attribute. And if she does have the attributes that we want, like beauty, grace. We would go after them. Is it alright for girls to ask for certain attributes in Men like money?

Step 4: For a girl to think you special and want you, you have to show your special attribute. Attribute like money, looks, fashion, funny, caring, smart, etc. Find an attribute that you are good at and refine it such that you will be noticed for that attribute on the first meeting!

For me, I decided to concentrate on laughter and being caring.

Finally, the perfect one! But...

After soo many dates, soo much searching, the perfect girl appears! She is pretty, graceful, and best of all does not depend on me for her happiness!

I cracked many jokes that I memorized as homework, and showed my caring side by finding out that she needs a tutor for her car exam, so I volunteered to teach her driving. :)

I had a feeling that she feels the same feelings I have for her. 

But I was devastated to later find out that she has a boyfriend. :(

DAMN! 

What I don't get is why would she treat me so nice, and seem more than a friend when she already have a boyfriend and is not shy at saying so!?!! 

Moral: A boy offering to help a girl is offering his love to her. If she accepts the help, she is telling the boy she is accepting his love! But, that does not mean the girl really like him! 

When a girl accepts a boy's help:

Boy's point of view: She accepts my help! So accepts my love!

Girl's point of view: Wow, how nice of him. He is such a good guy, such a waste I've no love for him at all. 

or

Girl's point of view: Wow, he is so nice. I think I will consider him.

So, offer help. It'll help you get a few points, but don't assume she is yours when she accepts your help.

Moral: If you read through my article until now, you will notice that I've been dumped many times. But I have been able to find new love time and time after. So remember, there are many more fishes out there!

SUCCESS!!! - But then again....

I've succeed! I met my first girlfriend after university, in a company . She was the secretary there.  With more knowledge now, more confidence, I applied all the things I've learned and well, she accepted to be my girlfriend.

For those who are interested, here is how I did it. Your step by step movelist.<MOVELIST> For those that have read thus far, I have included the secret link to my seduction theories... Believe me, you will not be disappointed....<Seducer's Manual>

But.... I soon found out that she was dating another guy!  Hmm... just my luck.  It seems that the other guy is very well off. And she is like a mistress to him.  He is very busy and during his time away from her, well she would look for me. 

It was a painful experience but after so much experience, I kind of brushed the pain off easier, as I knew there were so many other girls out there for me.  And I have the skills and knowledge to start a true loving relationship with that special someone.

Moral: If you experience enough, you get to a stage where you feel Powerful and confident, and any setback is not a concern for you anymore.

Success! - Really!

And finally, Yes this time, really finally... I found my true love.  That special someone. We met in the community club and we kept as friends for over 1 year.  Over the year, we barely talked. We knew each other, but I just never got the chance to talk to her much.  One year later, I started talking. And from there, we hit it off and now we are happily married.

Moral: As you can see from my story, I've tried many times, many have failed. But failure only made me into the man that I am today.  I used my failure to guide me in the correct direction. I learned about Love- the trial and error way.

-The Self Help Freak.

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